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On Me

by James Tutson

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1.
On Me 04:28
Oh no, I lost control so I let my mouth go and curse your name Oh no, to you my soul goes but my flesh and bone don't and I stay the same Oh no, I feel alone so I build a home on my laurels' sand For a time there it's almost nice and me and my vices sleep hand in hand I know it all comes down on me Oh no, I let my hold go and I let my roots grow back where I was And now my dust settled down I might as well dive down in some deeper mud Oh no, no no no no I hit a new low even for me And it's down low, down in the gallows Give me my release I know it all comes down on me Can't shake self-hate Half truths, falsehoods Late nights hoping for you and wishing that you wouldn't come Oh no, I want to give out so I hang my head down on bended knee But this hope's deft and it's all I got left and it don't got much heft But it's holding me I know it all comes down on me
2.
Right Now 04:52
Preface me in detail time before my birth All my value hinged on the worth before my worth Read me in the light of every grace you ever sought Throw your heart behind me though a hero I am not Oh, this is glorious story Oh, this is for me It's writing right now, so what you want to write right now? Hate my lack of candor but love me just the same Cheer my every progress and despise my every shame I am all at once yours and all others who claim You are enamored with the author for the sake of my own name Oh, this is glorious story Oh, this is for me It's writing right now, so what you want to write right now? And I will wake with dawn and grieve the woebegone And though weary from my plot enthralled I forget you not Oh, this is glorious story And I knew but now I find I'm knowing More true every line with thine And for you, for us all It's writing right now, so what you want to write right now?
3.
Well it's fine, fine, fine this line we walk here From side to side, oh, I can't help but sway Now I can hide, hide, hide devoured in the masses But I want to thrive, thrive, thrive some kind of way So I'll hold this hope Down in the way down I know the world is gonna bend now Alright I'm throwing up my hands now And I know the world is gonna bend Oh, oh, oh, I don't know if you love me And I don't know, know, know if I love you back Tonight you glow though oh no you got so much spirit And I need you so, so, so in the worst kind of way So I'll hold this hope Down in the way down I know the world is gonna bend now Alright I'm throwing up my hands now And I know the world is gonna bend
4.
Jerusalem 05:10
Monday morning on her walk to school Today she walks a little slower Oh they tell her she has grown so fast But is this really getting older She is weeping in her black mascara Here the stones they use to shame her Time is ticking with the pulse she's holding In the end she bids them name her And I think of old Jerusalem All holy war and terror And I think of old Jerusalem All storied crafted and beloved What a world that we inherited What a truth we turn disaster We are all of us a masterpiece But we are all of us a master Like a sculptor we are chipping always At our image and our neighbors Never truly being satisfied And slowly cracking from the labors And I think of old Jerusalem All holy war and terror And I think of old Jerusalem All storied crafted and beloved Come on and save Jerusalem
5.
Jericho 04:56
In Jericho there were walls of legend And those walls came-a-tumbling down In the light hours with nothing but our voices They were rubble on the cool of the ground Come on, shout to me Go on break it down Now the great wall they say ain't falling Though it's been there for years on years There were many that came there hoping They could tear it down or claim it for theirs Praying that ain't me Go on break it down Now there was a strong wall in the city of Berlin Holding families, friends, and lovers apart And the people they got tired of the breaking So they tore it down to save their hearts Come on save me Go on break it down
6.
Fault Of Men 06:38
Well I couldn't ever drink, what would my poor Mother think Seeing me end up like him, living into curse of kin Now my sons still need to know, but it won't be me who shows Watched him take my youth, my home with him Leave their innocence for them But heroes come to bed Even evil has to rest And children need their sleep I guess you're all the same as me The drink is all I am, I don't know how it began It's before my memory, I guess I learned on daddy's knee Now my mom I think would guess, she could see why Maya left Bless her heart she loves me so, how I feel I don't really know But heroes live by food And evil dineth too And children need to eat I guess you're all the same as me My brother is kind and bold, but the curse just got a hold I can see his heart is gone, I can't stand that people know him wrong My old kid brother is free, in the way I used to be He ain't got much dad in him, on his face or down within But heroes come to thirst And evil even worse And children need to drink I guess you're all the same And heroes come to die And evil finds a light And children see the end I guess it's just the fault of men
7.
Song for the man who floated round with more mirth than one can hold House after house what joy he found the man with the weightless soul But oh he hated Sundays as he sat in the park alone Because everybody wants their family time and he rarely laughed alone Oh, levity Song for the man who planted down and always his plight retold From all who would pass what honor he found the man with the iron soul But oh he hated Sundays when the claps on the back did part Everybody with their families and he with his open scars Oh, gravity
8.
Back Down 03:32
I don't need this I'll be fine, who needs water I got wine Who are you to break my will, from this famine, slop and swill Why are you cracking my defense, you call grace my recompense This new flesh cannot be what I need, I couldn't feel no but I couldn't bleed Back down you gotta hold of me Slow down you gotta hold of me Somehow you gotta hold of me Don't stop now you gotta hold of me This you call your promised land, from the fire back to the pan Now my soul you know you keep, but I'm taking on water and you're asleep Back down you gotta hold of me Slow down you gotta hold of me Somehow you gotta hold of me Don't stop now you gotta hold of me Like a child I understood, all I did was for my good I enraptured came to be, how can captor set me free Now that I am I will not move, a still most unlike mine by the healing pool With new skin and joy run rampant in the fray We're onward, upward, oh my Back down you gotta hold of me Slow down you gotta hold of me Somehow you gotta hold of me Don't stop now you gotta hold of me Somehow you gotta hold of me Still now you gotta hold of me Hold now you gotta hold of me Don't stop now you gotta hold of me
9.
The night came early my mind stayed late The days move before me I float in their wake It's thick but it's simple love forfeits control It moves not a muscle but it always goes And lo this heart is beating so I'm still here and bleeding Still I'd want you to show me that I'm no slave I'd want you to hold me and make me brave I'd want you to take me and take me all I'd want you to wake me as the dove calls Oh sign me on I'm doubting tradition, that cardinal sin Change leadeth to poison amen Still I feel the grinding, stomach soul and spine Deep within me, far beyond the lies And lo these arms are bending beneath the weight impending Still I'd want you to show me that I'm no slave I'd want you to hold me and make me brave I'd want you to take me and take me all I'd want you to wake me as the dove calls Oh sign me on
10.
Aquariums 05:16
Poppyseeds adrift aloft, wishes made and wishes lost Though a child I recall a void I tried to hide We in our aquariums, just so far to swim to run Trying to swallow all that comes and we're sputtering Hold on me I want you to hold on me Thinking on the maple tree, stretching roots to nourish me And where I rest ain't always green but I'm planted We are only aquiphors dry of life and offering hurt Or yielding water through the dirt, healing, quenching us Hold on me I want you to hold on me All the world is aqueous, brokenness is copious There is love superfluous, sweet diffusion Sing away your voice in song, dance whenever joy is strong Because when at times the feeling's gone hope remembers Hope remembers you Hold on me I want you to hold on me
11.
One with the sunrise, your weight on my eyes I've been up all night, sweetly enthralled My heart is pounding, intrigue abounding Your life resounding with all that I am And I held you in my hands And I heard of all your plans And they weren't quite set in stone So I thought to weave my own I could take your shame now, draw all the pain out And we'll shake the lights down, with all of this love Paint me the savior, I'm strong to save you And I think I could make you, feel whole like you should And I held you in the night And I took on all your plight And I planned to hold it strong But I'm barely holding on And I held you in my arms And I swallowed all your scars But they came back to your skin I just couldn't hold them in I can't hold you like I want to
12.
Share a smile, have a laugh, tell a couple stories I ain't got no problems going on See I've been vying for peace of mind, to you all it's come here I'm dancing like the dog days are gone The dimming lights, a hug goodnight, it's always worse in daytime When what I feel is right before my eyes If ain't here, it isn't clear, that's not the better option Ain't it true that everybody dies You thought I'd be sleeping through the night Lost in clouds or satelittes You thought I'd be sleeping all along Set to lullabies or some other song But you got me figured wrong, I ain't been sleep too long And it's 5 am The sound is clear and they're all here, the skeletons I locked up Are dancing pretty waltzes on the walls The things I lost, the things I've done, the things I've had done to me Are stepping perfect time as twilight falls Who am I to stop the tide, I ain't nothing special I ain't worth a dime or nickel split So I decide my suicide, who I'd say goodbye to and what's the way to best go through with it You thought I'd be sleeping through the night Lost in clouds or satelittes You thought I'd be sleeping all along Set to lullabies or some other song But you got me figured wrong, I ain't been sleep too long And it's 5 am

credits

released August 4, 2015

Producer: Jack Huffman, Jose Rivera ("Waltzes on the Walls")
Drummer: Devon Curry, Mitch Cruz ("Can't Hold You")
Auxilary Guitar/Bass: Jack Huffman
Photography: Jake Rostermundt
Graphic Design: Olivia Mazurek
Studio: Cathy Huffman Studios

All songs written and performed by James Tutson

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